I know your struggle well. I know that you’ve entirely changed since you’ve become a Mom. You have less time for the things you love, including sleep. I also know that beautiful memories are made when unexpected, just as often as the day’s obstacles before you.
And I know that being a Mom is hard!
You feel like you’ll never win. You feel like you can’t make everyone happy, keep the house clean, or keep track of all your mental sticky notes. You’re only one person and you’re very overwhelmed, sometimes to the point of tears.
You’ll debate with yourself. “Why can’t I be as good as other moms?” Then decide, “my family’s needs are more important than mine and the house is still a disaster.” When a days worth of effort wasn’t as successful as you envisioned, you tell yourself that you’re failing as a Mom. Then you punish yourself. “I don’t deserve time to rest or have fun if I can’t get everything done first.”
You don’t share your thoughts because you feel like you shouldn’t. That in a small way you’ll lose something by admitting it. But you feel stuck, tired, defeated and you’re pretty sure tomorrow looks that way too.
You’re in the midst of this time warp where you don’t know the day of the week, you missed that thing at your kid’s school, or you are drowning in chores. You feel like your busy life is endless.
You judge yourself before anyone ever could. You judge yourself for things that you can’t even control. You judge yourself for things that haven’t even happened.
Total Mom guilt. No one ever really talks about it though, so you struggle silently. You carry such an enormous mental weight.
Mom guilt is our inner dialogue that tells us that we should’ve done something different even though we can’t know if the decision we made was wrong. For example, feeling guilty for staying home even though you could use the income. Or working even though you want to see your kids more. You basically never win with yourself.-Anna Havens
You’re mostly fighting your own self, telling yourself that you aren’t good enough. You’re fighting a fight that can’t be won. Without saying it, you’re expecting damn near perfection (because your family deserves it). Little did you know that your family doesn’t need perfection. They just need you to be happy.
When your world comes crashing down you are brave. Even in some of the most scary moments, you are steady and strong. You are a GOOD mom!
When the negative thoughts resurface each day, remember you are a good Mom. When people say “they grow up fast,” remember raising kids isn’t an easy job (for anyone).
For all the hard days, know that you’re going to make it through today. And tomorrow. And the next day. And you’re going to feel better. You’re going to figure out how to feel more confident and at peace with motherhood. You’re going to do what you do best and love on your family no matter what.
And one day you’ll finally look back on this time and remember more good days than bad. And your kids will remember a mom who was always there for them. They’ll know all the love you never thought was good enough.
But for now, know your worth. Know you are loved.
Know that God is lovingly looking over you in the warmth of the bright coral sunrises and sunsets. He sees you checking on your sleeping kids in the dark of the night and gazing on them in the midst of the day. It makes Him smile to see such love.
Know that you’re the first thing your kiddos want in the morning and last at night. They want your love and affection and playfulness all through the day. They want the warmth of your arms wrapped around them when they hurt and are insecure. You are their entire world. And their world is good because of you.
Know that when you’re falling short of perfection, that you are a human being and it’s okay. You’re allowed to rest if you’re tired. Cry if you’re sad. Meditate or pray when you’re overwhelmed. Treat yourself to some new clothes when you feel small. Ask a sitter to watch the kids when you need space. Have a chat with a friend when you feel frustrated. Do something for you when the days are long.
You shouldn’t have to explain to anyone why you’re taking care of yourself. You’re a person just as much as you’re a mom.
Cut the Mom guilt tie! You are enough. More than enough. You deserve to be the happy Mom that your family needs!
Sending love to you, friend!
See the next post on this topic, Part 2 of “Mom Guilt and the Thing No One Talks About,” “Bubble Baths Don’t Fix Mom Problems.”
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