Bubble Baths Don’t Fix Mom Problems

Bubble Baths Don’t Fix Mom Problems

In speaking about the topic of Mom guilt, we’re really searching for so many answers. Is this normal? Why don’t I feel satisfied? Will I always feel this pressure? Does any good come out of feeling this way?

I may not have all of the answers, but yes it’s normal. And no I don’t think Mom guilt leads to any satisfaction. Mom guilt is negative self-talk. It’s a bundle of lies that tell you that you aren’t good enough for your family. You don’t have to always feel this way either. With some practiced self-love, you can settle into a happier lifestyle, where you don’t need to achieve perfection.

Self-love is realizing that you’ve neglected yourself for a while and that you need to put yourself back together. Self-love is not something you buy. It’s prioritizing yourself more than you normally would to fix the broken pieces of you. Self-love (or self-care, whatever you call it), runs deeper than the most calming bubble bath.

As a Mom it never feels like there’s enough time in the day. There’s always more to do and we’re always at the bottom of our own lists. Once, (when our three boys were toddlers) I used to say “I never have enough time to even have my thoughts to myself.” I was so used to being needed after sitting for .2 seconds on the couch. Even if baby slept during nap, there was always one kid who was never tired. I have a feeling that if there were more hours in the day, I would probably try to get more done around the house and be even more exhausted. It wouldn’t bump me up the list any quicker. Honestly what would you do with more hours?

The hardest thing as a Mom for me, especially, is to practice sitting still and being with my thoughts. It looks lazy. It feels lazy. It might be borderline lazy…. but for a good cause. We live in a world where you aren’t considered important if you aren’t constantly busy. Having several jobs is like a badge of honor. But sitting on your couch, sipping hot coffee (that hasn’t been reheated), breathing slowly, watching the sunrise, and thanking God for the beautiful morning can be the reset you need.

As parents we’re pretty much permanently exhausted. We do so much, yet feel like it’s never enough. An ordinary, busy day doesn’t feel productive enough. The days when we decide not raise a hand for every school event or fundraiser, the days when we couldn’t make it to our kid’s practice or game, or when we told our kids no… makes us feel like we are somehow failing. However, when you’re constantly giving of yourself, but not taking care of your deepest needs, you start to feel even more drained mentally and emotionally.

What if just for one day, we could make the time for the things we need most?

That bubble bath I was talking about earlier might not cure your Mom problems. However if your deepest need is space and partnership, then handing the baton to your spouse to control the chaos while you soak in the tub might be helpful.

Sleeping in once a week or taking naps (when feasible) might not fix your Mom problems, but it might help you be less irritable. If you’re up with little kids through the night or don’t sleep well, you could be headed in a downward spiral messing with your mood and mental state. If you have support, don’t be afraid to ask for help with the kids for this one. Sleep deprivation is real!

Shopping solo might not fix your Mom problems, but going on a drive might give you that sense of space and freedom you need most. Even just going for a peaceful walk or run might help, too.

Visiting your Mom or having a chat on the phone with your Mom friends might not fix your Mom problems. However, if your deepest need is to feel more adequate or understood, that conversation might make your day more bearable. Sometimes being real about motherhood with someone else helps you feel not so alone.

Sitting on the couch in silence might not fix your Mom problems, but maybe you just need a moment to process the day in prayer. Knowing that there is a higher power and that you’re part of a plan helps you see the big picture.

And lastly, having goals and wants of your own might not fix your Mom problems, but it can sure give you back your identity. Having time to do things that make you unique might put the spark back in your life.

Motherhood can easily lead you down the path of depression and anxiety. If you’re lucky to surpass even a brief stage of either, no one talks about all of the pressure.

Since motherhood isn’t one-size-fits-all, I can’t tell you exactly what you need. If your life is even a little chaotic, I encourage you to take a step back, talk with your closest people and do some soul searching.

The hardest part of self-care is making time for yourself when there are a hundred other things that need done. You’ll have to bump yourself up on your agenda. You’ll probably still never finish the laundry, but that’s okay because you’re important too!

Bubble baths won’t fix the burn out of Mom life, but recognizing your own needs and having support might.

10 Funny Parenting Tweets

10 Funny Parenting Tweets

Once, while on a Facebook Mom’s group, someone posted, “What’s your favorite mantra for getting through motherhood?” A member legit responded with, “f*** it.” I’ve never laughed harder at a Facebook post! And that is pretty much a summary of Twitter.

As a Mom of 3 boys, I connect well with genuine parents and their daily challenges. Twitter parents don’t fake out their followers exclaiming to live flawless lives. In fact, the more realistic, the funnier!

I’m both comforted and entertained by these funny tweets! Here are some of my favorites!

(If you can’t view the Tweets, try viewing this page directly on mommabirdblog.com.)

1. At least they know…

I mean, at least they do know the good 80’s movies. So there’s that!

2. Definite 6th sense

Toddlers are pretty good at maintaining the chaos! There’s never a dull moment….

3. The Horror

Oh boy! You have to watch out for those guys!

4. “Push it good! Push it real good!”

5. Tiny Extroverts…

Honestly, don’t we go to the park so other kids can wear them out, while we can just tag out for a minute?

6. #motivationmonday

Toddlers are the most confident people, let alone when they’re trying to save the world!

7. Every time…

It’s always 100x worse! Right?

8.

9. Coffee, wine, repeat.

10. So many tears

There’s 10! These are only just a few of my favorites! Here’s a similar post:

10 Funny Tweets About Parenthood

Next time, who would you like to see featured in our funny Tweets? Comment below or message!

How to be a Fun Mom

How to be a Fun Mom

First off, I’m going to warn you that I broke one of my own rules. Only 1-2 cups of coffee and never past 4:00 in the afternoon. I needed one more tonight because of hormonal fatigue. Which, if I’m being honest, the vegetarian diet has helped tremendously!

So as I sit here tonight with caffeine pumping through my veins, I want to share some ideas. I’ll have you know that over the years, I’ve basically been borderline preschool teacher mixed with Pinterest Mom. As my kids have grown up and grown more independently, I’ve grown into a super duper mean Mom. (Or at least they think I am because they have chores and don’t have free reign.)

Like anything else, I believe that moderation is key. In order to have a good parent/child relationship, you’ve got to master discipline with understanding. And by discipline I’ve found that time-outs and taking toys away are merely as effective as rewards.

So this Summer, as we had our own schedules to abide by, I tried to keep a light daily structure without overdoing plans. Of course, my husband will tell you that I over plan to leave the house on his days off. I mean, as a stay-at-home Mom (and someone who’s a little adventurous) who would want to always be home?

They’ve been doing tons of summer reading, even me. I’ve been able to indulge in the adult library section (mostly consisting of self-help books). We’ve done our share of exploring barefoot in creeks and playing a game of family baseball. We’ve enjoyed visiting the farmer’s market and swimming at the local quarry, too.

For as much fun and discipline that we carried out, I thought we had the perfect balance of both worlds. Don’t worry though, like every other family on planet Earth, our kids aren’t immune to bad behavior. And I still definitely yell.

Although there’s no secret solution to master parenting, I feel like our best shot at containing the “energies” of our kids can be simple. A wise philosopher once said that we should spend 1-on-1 time with our children every day. John Dewey thought this to be one of the most powerful tools for raising children into successful people.

Just think about this for a minute. If we spend 30+ minutes a day trying to engage in conversation (and not necessarily lecture), we could have amazing relationships.

Today, as the grandparents took our younger two for a fun day, I was reminded of something important. My oldest needs more of my time and attention. So instead of working on the e-book that I’ve begun writing, I thought, there are only a few weeks left to enjoy him this summer. I asked him what he wanted to do and I said yes to him. It’s easy to just tell our kids what they’re doing and say no, but they don’t feel understood when we automate our responses.

Don’t forget that in order to be a good parent, your well-being matters. For instance it’s easier to say “yes” when we feel energetic and healthy. You matter too.

Today we played baseball like we always used to. When my son was 2, we would have batting practice, almost daily because he enjoyed batting, but also enjoyed my attention. Today we also enjoyed a relaxing afternoon in the hot tub, which is reserved normally only for adults. And we were going to wrap it up by playing video games together. Unfortunately, once I got word that the little boys were heading back, I went into cleaning mode. (Still kicking myself for that.)

Overall, I learned that being the crafty, structured, patient Mom isn’t super realistic all the time. But that by trying to silently listen to our kids and do the things they like, they feel understood. And if having kid-sized fun every once in a while makes me a cool Mom, then that’s really just a win-win!

What kinds of fun things to you and your kiddos do for fun?

How Stay-at-Home Parents Can Build a Resume

How Stay-at-Home Parents Can Build a Resume

How can I build my resume while I’m a stay-at-home parent? 

If you’ve decided to be a stay-at-home parent, you may eventually start to panic about returning to work. Many of us have no intention of forever being a “homebody.” After all, it seems a large number of us stay-at-home parents were climbing career ladders before we decided to take that leap. You know, the one where you knew virtually sever your income so in turn you didn’t have to pay childcare costs. 

Some days stay-at-home Mom and Dads really miss their job. For me in particular, prior to motherhood, I had spent a couple years going to school nearly 20 credited hours while working two jobs. I’ve always been a dreamer, ready to take on the world. Then one morning, I woke up with a newborn baby, no place to be for the day, and supporting my husband’s military career. It was such a strange feeling!

As a stay-at-home Mom for 7 years, I feel I’ve lost years of workforce productivity, learning, refining skills, and social skills. I really missed working (even with some of the small jobs I had along the way). So, I picked up a job that I could financially get a little traction, socialize, and feel productive. But that wasn’t all I wanted to do, I wanted to do something a little bigger. 

Four years ago, we were raising two toddlers and a little baby. I was super overwhelmed and all of the stress in my life started to drag me under, along with some hormonal issues. I felt like I had no control of my life and was super weepy. A couple years later, I laid everything out in prayer and felt the urge to start blogging. I hopped on WordPress and became the owner of a website! (Which is kind of big for a Mom who focuses all day on her little ones.)

I turned off the TV, stopped scrolling social media and began to learn and set goals. Time was spent wisely learning how to set up a WordPress site, watching Susie Moore’s YouTube channel, taking notes, jotting an entire notebook full of ideas, listening to webinars, reading about blogging and SEO tips, investing in time on social media strategy, creating graphics, taking pictures, creating content, analyzing website statistics, talking to people about motherhood and blogging, etc.

Add all of those things together and you have a whole new set of skills which can be utilized at a future job. 

Depending on the areas of focus, bloggers might be able to add these to a resume. (See further below for non-blogging resume building.)

Skills you can add to a resume if you blog:

  1. Branding
  2. Writing
  3. Editing
  4. Networking
  5. Marketing
  6. Social Media Strategy
  7. Social Media Marketing
  8. Social Media Influencing
  9. Digital Photography
  10. Graphic Design
  11. Website Management
  12. Research
  13. Statistic Analysis
  14. Time management
  15. SEO

Tools & Technologies

  1. WordPress
  2. JetPack
  3. Canva
  4. Adobe Photoshop
  5. Mail Chimp

More ways to dive back in to your career

  1. Find free podcasts and webinars to learn from
  2. Be well read and up-to-date on your career field
  3. Continue network growth
  4. Learn about what your clients need
  5. Brainstorm solutions for client needs

Questions I’ve been asked about blogging:

  1. Oh wow! You blog, so you’re famous right? 
  2. How do you even make money?
  3. Are you successful?
  4. What do you write about?
  5. What are your favorite blogs?

My answers:

  1. Not yet, but if I became famous, I would be known for helping other Moms through their struggles and that would be more rewarding.
  2. I don’t pay myself./ I can easily do affiliate marketing, which is selling other companies’ products, but I don’t want to dilute my blog. If I would monetize my blog, I would create my own product which would be a useful tool for Moms.
  3. If you count success in the perspective of numbers, I don’t have 10,000 readers yet, but I’ve had over 2,000 people read my blog in one day. I’ve also reached over half a million people on Pinterest in one month with organic reach (using advice from Susie Moore). But, in terms of reaching my own success goals, maybe I am successful. I’ve positively impacted so many people around me and I’ve seen them fired up about life! I just want to continue impacting other people!
  4. Before Momma Bird Blog’s re-brand, I wrote about all parenting lifestyle. At the beginning of 2019, I tweaked my niche to motivating Moms and health/wellness. The most popular articles on MBB are about Mom guilt, Motherhood quotes, and Essential oils.
  5. I have a growing list of favorite blogs/vlogs, but here are my top 10- Military Moms Blog, Scary Mommy, Wellness Mama, Motherly, HuffPost, Her View From Home, That’s Inappropriate, Start a Mom Blog, Kristina Kuzmic, Juggling the Jenkins, and so many more!

Other ideas to earn an income:

Blogging may not be key for you, but there are plenty other options! I’ve researched so many work-at-home jobs over the years that it’s not even funny. So many of the jobs are in analysis, medical coding, and customer service calling. If those don’t work, you could open your home for childcare, take senior pictures, open an Etsy shop, or do various freelance work.

Maybe you just need a part-time job that you can be available for when your spouse is off from work. Open a LinkedIn account and start building your resume. Soon, you’ll start seeing open job opportunities that suite you. Maybe you have something close to home that would interest you.

Over all, one of the best things I did for myself as a stay-at home Mom was to start learning and setting career-type goals. At the time, it didn’t seem like a Mom who was overwhelmed to tears should start a blog. I’m proud of what I’ve worked so hard to learn! Now I feel more prepared to enter back into a career field of my choosing!

What skills do you personally need to have for the career you want?

Comment below with your blog website and goals or various ways that you’ve been able to add to your resume while staying home!

Mouth-watering Mac and Cheese (With Butternut Squash)

Mouth-watering Mac and Cheese (With Butternut Squash)

I’m so excited about this recipe! You may remember a recipe I shared with you all a couple years back. It contained remnants of the “yucky” dinner that my kids couldn’t even stomach. Sneakily, I added the baked butternut squash and a few other ingredients, resulting in some “magic chocolate muffins.” They had no clue they were eating butternut squash.

Magic chocolate muffin recipe here!

I still may tweak the above recipe for a fluffier consistency (and maybe a frosting or filling).

For this recipe, I combined macaroni and a few other ingredients to make a mouth-watering combo! In a saucepan I made a homemade Alfredo sauce, using real Parmesan cheese, then I pureed the baked butternut squash. Lastly, I drizzled the new sauce over the leftover mac and cheese.

Do you see any bits of butternut squash in the mac and cheese? I don’t. And my kids clearly didn’t! #momwin

Ingredients:

  • macaroni or linguine, cooked
  • 2 TBS olive oil
  • 1 cup baked butternut squash (baked only with oil and salt)
  • about 2 oz. grated from wedge of Parmesan cheese
  • 2 TBS. butter
  • 4 TBS. flour
  • 2 cups milk
  • salt, pepper, and garlic powder

Recipe:

  1. Prepare your macaroni or linguine. Drizzle cooked pasta with olive oil.
  2. In a small saucepan, melt the butter. Whisk cheese and flour until it becomes pasty. Next, whisk the milk in. Season to taste.
  3. Once sauce thickens, add the baked butternut squash right to the saucepan. Puree using an immersion blender.
  4. Pour over (warmed) elbow mac or mac and cheese. Stir in well.
  5. Depending on your crowd, you may want to pop this into a casserole dish and warm on 300 degree for about 10 minutes (covered). Or for a quick heat, pop in the microwave for 3-4 minutes on high.

I’m almost certain that the Parmesan cheese played a big role! Up until now I hadn’t played much with it because of cost, but now I see how often I’ve been able to use it in other dishes. Goodbye to cans of Parmesan (for now)!

When I took my first bite of this magical creation, I’m pretty sure I fell in love. It has such a creamy, rich taste, none of which tastes like hidden vegetables. It will literally make your mouth water!

Feel free to add other various cheeses to your cheese sauce! And Enjoy!

PIN ME!

The Baby Blues (A Message to Suffering Moms)

The Baby Blues (A Message to Suffering Moms)

I feel urged to finally share this with you. I’ve had several of these posts drafted and I couldn’t bring myself to hit “publish,” until I recently saw a post about PPD.

In the past few years moms are just starting to open up about their mental health. The effects of postpartum anxiety, postpartum depression, or baby blues can sneak up on new and expecting moms. These disorders are common, although they can range from super mild to very severe. When you feel abnormally irritable, fatigued, unmotivated, weepy, and anxious that can be scary.

When my baby boy had turned 6 months old, something in me changed. Maybe it all happened earlier, but I didn’t notice until my symptoms got more extreme and didn’t go away. I wasn’t sleeping well, even with a peaceful house at night. I began to get more irritated and yell at the older kids more. I started feeling defeated after each day. Laundry was always piled high, making a nutritious dinner seemed so difficult, and I had to keep the older ones busy in between nursing the baby. It all just felt like too much. I started to cry a lot. I didn’t even know why. I just felt overwhelmed with emotion a lot!

My husband believed I just wasn’t happy any more. And one day I blurted out in raw tears, “I feel like I’m drowning! I can’t keep up with everything and I can’t even catch a breath!” And it hit me, that maybe this wasn’t a “normal” feeling. I kept wondering if I should get help. After that, emotional breakdown, he encouraged me to see our family doctor, he let me sleep in more, and started chipping in more.

Gradually I started to take care of myself better. I began asking for more help. I began praying with more intent. I thought more about my health (instead of just my family’s for once). I started to do a little bit more for myself. Small things, like buy new makeup or listen to good music. I began going on more walks to clear my head. I fought to be more positive. I began talking with friends and family more, even if it wasn’t about this (which I wasn’t ready to talk about with anyone). And I started to pull myself up and away from those big ugly tears. Gradually, I started to feel better.

I single-handedly forced myself to rise from defeat. And that was the bravest, most strong I’ve ever had to be.

Yes, I still yell at my kids, but I’m not as snappy. I do have some gentlemen to raise. Yes, sometimes I still have a hard time asking for help. Yes, sometimes I still don’t feel motivated enough to do anything. Parenthood is just tough, regardless of your circumstances. But, I am able to smile again and laugh with my family. I’m able to sit down during nap time and be unproductive with little guilt. I allow myself to have a good cry in prayer, rather than alone. And I keep telling myself, “I am enough.” I listen to Lauren Daigle and worship with music. I make my favorite meals for dinner. I do the things I enjoy like writing and photography.

Being a mom (no matter how many babies you have) is overwhelming. No one will tell you how hard it was for them. Not really. And that makes it a little more tough. When you’re a stay-at-home mom, life can be even more isolating. That statement sounds kind of weird, but believe me, when you just need someone to listen to and understand you, that person isn’t going to be your little kid.

It sucks when you’re living this life that you always knew you wanted since you were a little girl, yet, not in the way you always imagined. No, motherhood itself isn’t a disappointment, but rather the loneliness in motherhood. The days when you’re trying so hard, but could use more help. The days when you NEED another human being to understand you. But instead, you just keep going and going as if everything is okay. Holding in your feelings and emotions. That’s the worst!

Overall, being a Mom is literally one of the best things that’s ever happened to me. I have three little boys who climb up on my lap and let me hold them. I’m their whole world. They want me and my attention. And they love me. And all of our little moments are so special to me. I wonder how I got so lucky to have these little guys in my life.

But I also know that I wasn’t the only one to struggle the same battles. Whether it was a collective stress of life events (which we’ll talk about another day) or just in it’s own timing, the baby blues once defined me. And I didn’t even totally see that at the time.

For those of you struggling with baby blues (or other postpartum disorders), know that you aren’t alone. And there are so many others who understand you well, people who may not talk about it with anyone. Make friends with other moms. And find someone to talk to about it. Get the sleep you need, eat fuel foods, get some sunshine, focus on all the good in your life, pray, and without hesitation go see your doctor. If not for yourself, do it for those precious kids of yours.

One day this will be part of your past. Keep your head up and don’t let those terrible feelings define you. This isn’t all of you, nor will it always feel like that.

Breathe. It’s going to be okay.


Photo by Anthony Tran on Unsplash

Read other articles like this:

Self-care ideas

10 Affirmations for mom guilt

How to enjoy mom life more

How to do a mental detox

10 motivational quotes for the mom who feels stuck

How to Enjoy Mom Life More (While Raising a Young Crew)

How to Enjoy Mom Life More (While Raising a Young Crew)

Moms with a couple small dependent kids will find significant value in what I’m about to say. This the very stage that you’re in that made me feel like a terrible Mom not long ago. You’re supposed to enjoy all of mom life, right?

You get the notion that you’re always supposed to be filled with joy because you were blessed with awesome little people. We are blessed. We know that without a doubt.

These mini’s are adorable, easy to please, they replicate multitudes of love, and they have such innocent, unique personalities! They give the best hugs and randomly proclaim their love for us. And when they hurt feelings, it’s likely to be accidental and so easy to forgive.

Although toddlers are easy to please, they are likewise just as difficult at times. As your mini grows, he wants to dress himself, buckle himself, and even pour his own drinks. Determined, he’ll dive right in with the intent of flawlessly mirroring your efforts. And when he fails… oh man! His big emotions will show! Sometimes it just feels like they’re intentionally making things harder on us. Doesn’t it?

You might feel seriously overworked and overwhelmed because your kids depend on you so much. Most days you won’t quite receive the help you need. Instead, you’re outnumbered and spend the majority of your waking day multitasking like you’ve never done before.

By the time you can sit in peace for the day, you don’t feel accomplished. You’ve done everything, yet still unable to recall all the details of the day. Chances are you’ll have fed them countless snacks, kissed some boo-boo’s, wiped their tears, held them, had a dance party, corrected them, stuck them in time-out, played a silly game, broke up fights, read a story, cleaned up never-ending messes, made some phone calls, paid some bills, cleaned up potty accidents, washed some laundry, fed your kids, washed the dishes, and bathed your little ones, all while doing little for yourself. Chances are you probably would’ve had some thoughts to yourself, but you fell asleep as soon as the chaos was over.

You might start to feel exhausted all around. You might feel lost. And you might feel that you lost. But here’s what I would’ve told myself then when I felt like a bad mom for not enjoying all of it.

Being a mom is tough. That’s the one thing you won’t hear often enough. Mom life wears you down hardcore in ways you didn’t know possible.

It’s normal to feel exhausted, overwhelmed, and even frustrated. It’s normal to sometimes feel emotional and worried about your family. But just because those things are normal doesn’t mean they’ll go away on their own. It’ll take some time and effort before you begin to enjoy motherhood more.

Motherhood comes with the beautiful, and ugly. Every minute that you enjoy with your kids, you have earned tenfold. These little people with big messes and big emotions aren’t too far off from being big themselves.

You probably feel like your kids will always be small and depend on you. You fear that you’re always going to be so overwhelmed and it makes you feel slightly more crazy just thinking there’s no end. But friend, you are so near the light at the end of the tunnel.

One day your kiddos will tie their shoes, buckle themselves, head off to school, help with more chores, and even show empathy. You’ll finally reap the rewards of their younger years. That day will be oh! so bittersweet because you will wish for a single day of time-travel to hold your baby once more. And yet, you will shed many of the challenges that you’ve waited so long to be free from.

There will come a day in the near future when you’ll see a new mom enjoying her sweet little one, smile, and you imagine that fresh baby smell. You’ll wish you could tell your old self to enjoy more of the little things, to laugh at the imperfections, and soak it all in. Even the parts you thought you didn’t enjoy.

This stage of life may not look very beautiful in your mind. It looks a lot like a national disaster. But this, right now, is your blessing. There will always be one more thing you need to do. Your to-do list will probably grow resembling Jack and the Beanstalk. You’ll likely never see the end of messes and chores with little ones at home, anyways.

Motherhood is a balancing act.

Instead of letting ourselves feel defeated, we should take care of ourselves better and ask for more help. Make friends with moms and dads going through the same stage of parenting. Find ways to make an ordinary day with the kids special. Make some memories and take the pictures or journal about it. And really, just start thinking more positively.

A few years ago when I was really struggling, I would’ve said to myself; “Let go of your idea of this perfect image of motherhood and enjoy what’s yours now. Go get some more sleep, see your doctor until you feel good, tell someone how you feel, go for that drive, cry, get mad, pray about it, and know that this tough, beautiful stage is almost over. And you’re going to really miss it one day.”

To you Moms who are going through this, give whatever ounce of faith you have. God is so good! You’ll get through the struggles with Him like I did.

Motherhood is such a blessing! Let’s enjoy these moments that are ours now before they become a distant memory.